he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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