hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
