She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
