if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
