He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
