I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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