Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
