I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Randomize
