You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
