She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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