Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Randomize
