Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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