when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
so much tequila, so little girl.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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