I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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