She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
