Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
