addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
