it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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