Cold hands, warm shart.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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