last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
