WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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