So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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