I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
