My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
