oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
