Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
