he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
