There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
