I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
