You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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