I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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