She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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