I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
