He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Randomize
