he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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