what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
