I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
