So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
