Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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