that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
