A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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