So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
