Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
