moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
