i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Randomize
