he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
