it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
