I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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