It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
