dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
